Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up

As a returning adult 'gradual' student all I can say is "Oh yes. So very yes!"


From the Onion:


HANOVER, NH—According to students enrolled in professor Michael Rosenthal's Philosophy 101 course at Dartmouth University, that guy, Darrin Floen, the one who sits at the back of the class and acts like he's Aristotle, seriously needs to shut the fuck up.

His fellow students describe Floen's frequent comments as eager, interested, and incredibly annoying.

"He thinks he knows about philosophy," freshman Duane Herring said. "But I hate his voice, and I hate the way he only half raises his hand, like he's so laid back. We're discussing ethics in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long before deciding if it's morally wrong to pound his face in."

"Today he was going on and on about how Plato's cave shadows themselves represent the ideal foundation of Western philosophical thought," said freshman Julia Wald moments after class let out Monday. "I have no idea what Plato's ideal reality is, but I bet it doesn't include know-it-all little shits."

Wald added: "If he uses the word 'dialectical' one more time, I'm going to shove my copy of The Republic down his throat."

Although he demonstrated a familiarity with Peter Singer's view on famine relief during a discussion of John Locke's theory of property, Floen is reportedly unfamiliar with the theory of cramming it for a change and giving someone else a chance to speak.

"Just last week Professor Rosenthal was talking about Russell's Paradox, and that jackass starts going off: 'But what about Heraclitus' aphorism: Everything flows, nothing stands still?'" classmate James Luers said. "At first I was like, 'That's totally irrelevant,' but then I was like, 'Well, actually, it does apply to the nonstop flapping of your trap.'"

Among the 40 students who regularly attend Philosophy 101, the one who has endured the most suffering is freshman William Deekes.

"Some people know Darrin as just 'that guy in philosophy class who needs to shut the hell up,'" Deekes said. "I, however, also know him as 'the douche in African history who seriously needs to chill' and 'the a-hole in environmental sciences who could really use a girlfriend.'"

"I enrolled in this course because I was fascinated by the question of God," said sophomore Miriam Blank. "After spending six hours a week in the same room as that unbearable windbag, I think I have my answer. Life is as long as it cruel."

The outspoken student has not gone unremarked by the course's professor.

"Mr. Floen is a valuable contributor to our in-class discussions," Rosenthal said. "His tendency to question and challenge everything before him captures the very essence of philosophy itself."

Rosenthal added: "Having said that, I do wish he would occasionally do me the valued service of shutting his damn cake hole."

3 comments:

ae said...

hd, this part killed me:

Although he demonstrated a familiarity with Peter Singer's view on famine relief during a discussion of John Locke's theory of property, Floen is reportedly unfamiliar with the theory of cramming it for a change and giving someone else a chance to speak.

Bwaahhahahaha! Thanks for the giggles. What are you gradually studying?

xo,
ae

handdrummer said...

I'm a 'gradual' student in Geography.

I have two interests.

One is how geographic education in junior and senior high has changed over the decades since I learned it in the 50's and early 60's. I'm interested in finding the reasons that geography slipped from the center of social studies education to the semi-forgotten fringe fringe, much to our detriment, by my calculation. And I am keen to find a way to change it back

And two, the human use and misuse of the environment. I have been studying global warming and similar issues as an independent scholar for most of my adult life.


When I started out 4 years ago, I hoped to teach geography in secondary schools, but tuition at Penn State has gotten so expensive $15g per year in state) taht it impossible to take more than a couple of courses a semester. At the rate I'm studying, I'll be VERY lucky to finish my PhD before I'm 70.

So I study for self enrichment, the best of all possible worlds.

Houston said...

Oh my god, amazing.