from Whiskey Bar: Technical Difficulties

(Scene: One of President Bush's Social Security "town hall" meetings. We zoom in on a nondescript trailer parked just outside the arena where the president is speaking. Passing through the ceiling, we find ourselves in a room filled with electronic gear, plus two somewhat geeky looking technicians -- Bill and Ted -- sitting in front of a large control panel. Over their heads, we can see (and hear) Bush on a TV monitor. On stage with him are a group of amazingly lifelike, human-sized animatronic puppets. They smile and nod their heads as he speaks.)

TED: (reading slowly and distinctly into a microphone) And so, as Aristotle once reminded the Peloponnesians, we must be wise in our choices, firm in our commitment to democracy -- and steadfast in our determination to bestow the blessings of personalized investment accounts on ourselves and our posterity . . .

(Ted pauses, and after a few seconds delay, we hear President Bush repeat exactly same words.)

TED: (reading) Furthermore, as Winston Churchill once said . . . Jesus Christ!

BUSH: . . . as Winston Churchill once said Jesus Christ! (He stops, puzzled, and listens for the voice in his ear.)

(Back in the trailer, we hear a loud electronic buzzing sound. Sparks shoot from one of the consoles in front of Ted. He slaps at it with his script while Bill dives for a fire extinguisher. Meanwhile, Bush remains frozen at the podium, waiting for his next line. Prompted by his silence, the animatronic puppets all applaud politely.)

BILL: (squirting foam on the panel) Cut the damned switch! Cut it!

BUSH: Putt the damned bitch! Putt it! (He pauses, even more confused) Um, just a little golf humor for ya there. (he tries to ad lib) You know, with the, uh, kinda returns y'all are gonna get on them private . . . uh, public . . . personal spending . . . personal investment accounts, why you'll be hittin' the golf courses before you turn 60! (the puppets applaud politely)

(Back in the trailer, we hear more buzzing noises, then suddenly an FM radio station kicks in on the monitor speaker.)

BUSH: (listening to the voice in his ear) This, is, uh . . . Bubba the Luv Sponge comin' at ya with MORE of ya favorite tunes. Now I want all of you hot hunnies out there to jest sliiide right down next to your radio and let the Bubbster give ya a little tongue action . . .

(Bush stops, completely bewildered. The puppets on stage applaud politely, but in the background we hear confused murmuring from the audience.) (More)

SNORK! This is one of the funniest bits I've ever read on the Interthingie. I laughed so hard I nearly had an asthma attack. I can think of no higher praise!